Saturday, January 24, 2015

Day 11 - Decisions, decisions

Seriously, sometimes decisions are so difficult to make.  I cannot make decisions easily.  When I'm asked what I want or my opinion I always ask about the other person's wants or opinion first.  

I don't understand why I'm always worried about what people think or what they would prefer before I give my opinions or wants. I know I'm a people-pleaser, I just don't know why it's so difficult. 

Today is not a good day for me.  Been feeling really low, depressed for a few days now.  Today it's just not good.  I want to hide away from everyone.  But, I didn't completely do that today.  I went to dinner with my family to celebrate my birthday.  Yes, it was my birthday earlier this week.  

Anyway, back to decisions.  I don't want to make them.  

Sorry, I know this is short.  I can't write at the moment there are pieces falling off me and I need to try to clean up the mess.... yes, bad mood and depressed.

Welcome to my life. 

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Day 10 - Prader-Willi Syndrome

Well, when I look at the fact that this is day 10 in my 100 day challenge, yet it's already the 22nd, I realize that I haven't been keeping up with my writing.  I know it's been because I've been a little busy in the evening, or just too tired to write. 

Today I read an article about Prader-Willi Syndrome.  I have close friends whose daughter has PWS so I try to keep informed about this syndrome.  It's such a scary way for a child to live.  

If you're not familiar with PWS I'll explain what I understand about it.  Their little Pixie is almost 6 years old now. When she was born they knew something was going on with her.  She was diagnosed within a few days of her birth.  For little Pixie she was unable to suckle so she never nursed or drank from a bottle, never.  She wasn't strong enough.  So, low muscle tone is a major symptom.  She was never hungry and rarely cried.  I honestly don't remember her crying.  

So, PWS children have many struggles in their lives.  Low muscle tone, learning disabilities, speech delays, slowed physical development, no appetite when they're young and many other issues.  Usually around 2-3 yrs of age their appetite switch is turned on, and never turned off.  This means that they will never feel full, ever.  Can you imagine feeling hungry all the time, no matter if you just ate or not?  I can't. 

So, they are always hungry, but their body doesn't process or metabolize their food properly so they are limited to the amount of food they can eat.  This little Pixie eats only 900 calories each day!  900!  Seriously, try to watch how much you eat in one day.  The average person consumes about 1200 - 1500 calories each day.  Many people eat much more than that.  To give you an idea a McDonald's Cheeseburger, yeah, the little burger we give kids is 290 calories. Now, that's just the burger.  Kids, and adults, should eat 5-6 small meals each day.  For a 900 calorie diet that would mean you could consume 180 calories each meal, for only 5 meals.  Ok, that's about one apple and one piece of string cheese (just under 200 calories). 

PWS causes obesity in children especially if the parents do not have control of the food in the house.  These children find ways to eat, breaking the locks on the fridge and pantry, food in the garbage and sometimes things that aren't food.  The signal that tells them to stop eating doesn't work so they can overeat.  Sometimes that's horribly sad because they can eat so much that their stomach can rupture.  They also struggle with apnea, breathing problems and inability to maintain their body temperature.  So if they have a fever, it's off to the ER. Same goes if they vomit.  

PWS is scary.  I've been privileged to know this family and see how amazing they are.  Pixie is being raised by some awesome parents who want to have knowledge of what their daughter is going through.  They are also helping others become aware of Prader-Willi Syndrome.  

This link is the story of one girl and a short part of her journey as well as more information about PWS.

Having the internet at our fingertips has helped provide information and knowledge about PWS for people.  Take a look at what you can learn.

I hope you have a wonderful day!

Monday, January 19, 2015

Day 9 - A better day

Today was a much better day.  The company I work for has relocated over that last week so we have been moving things around and today was a relaxing day.  It's off season for us right now so it's not very busy right now. (I work for a landscaping company).  I think it's great that I can work with people that I get along with so well.  

We had an issue on Friday with something at work and what do we do? We stop and pray about it.  This is why I'm so grateful for living in the US, we have the freedom to pray whenever we want to.  I feel it's sad though that kids are not allowed to pray at school anymore.  When I was in high school I was in a Christian fellowship group that met in the mornings, if I wasn't able to do that high school would have been much worse for me.  

Our freedoms are taken for granted some times.  There are so many men and women who work hard and give more than some people really know so that we can have these freedoms.  

As I start to write I think about the people I know that were in the military.  I know several, more than I realized.  I have friends, relatives and even a husband that gave time for our freedom.  

Do you ever think about that?  How many people do you know that served the country in one branch of the military?

BTW, welcome to my lack of focus. Jumping around in my head as always. 

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Day 8 - Much of nothing

Writer's block.  Some days it drives me batty when I have ideas in my head and just don't know where to go with them.  

So, I've had a pretty good month mood wise.  I went through a major depression in Nov and Dec but it lightened up and I've been feeling better for about a month now.  Part of it was due to a medication change.  This past month it's been easier to focus and not feeling very down.  Unfortunately, it never lasts.  I'm a little down this weekend, not major depression but down.  Sometimes I feel like I drive people crazy.  That I annoy people.  Ok, I probably do at times.  

It's sad that I don't feel like writing at the moment.  I'm currently fighting with the negative thoughts and emotions in my head so if you have suggestions of how to change that, let me know.  

Don't worry, this is much of nothing today. 

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Day 7 - 100 Day challenge

What is my 100 day challenge?  

I've challenged myself to blogging 100 days during 2015.  I knew from the start that it would not be 100 days in a row, which is just fine. 

So, I really want to finish one of the fanfics that I'm working on but just haven't been able to get past one point.  I know once I'm past it the rest will roll out.  Sometimes it feels like forever before I can get back to it.  When I have the time, I don't have the words and when I have the words I don't have the time.  

Yes, this is a boring one... sorry. 

Friday, January 9, 2015

Day 6

Today's thoughts... 

More lyrics for you to think about.  This is from the Barlow Girl song I Need You To Love Me.  

Why? Why are You still here with me?
Didnt You see what Ive done?
In my shame I want to run and hide myself
Yeah, but its here I see the truth
I dont deserve You
But I need You to love me
And I, I wont keep my heart from You this time
And Ill stop this pretending that I can
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need You to love me
I, I have wasted so much time
Pushing You away from me
I just never saw how You could cherish me
Cause You're a God who has all things
And still You want me
And I need You to love me
And I, I wont keep my heart from You this time
And Ill stop this pretending that I can
Somehow deserve what I already have, yeah, yeah
Your love makes me forget what I have been
Your love makes me see who I really am
Your love makes me forget what I have been, oh-oh
And I need You to love me, yeah
I need You to love me, yeah
And Ill stop this pretending that I can
Somehow deserve what I already have
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need You to love me, yeah
I need you to

 Oh oh oh oh eo, oh oh oh oh eo
Oh oh oh oh eo, oh oh oh oh eo

 Love me, love me, yah

So, dig into these words.  This writer, most likely one of the Barlow Girls, is talking to God. The question is asked, why would God still love you when you make mistakes.  God always sees everything you do, knows what you think and even what your dreams are.  He allows us to make mistakes, allows us to make our own choices and no matter what the outcome of our decisions he still loves us.  Isn't that so amazing?  

So, look into his words in the Bible.  He's written stories about people like you and me that you couldn't believe.  

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Day 5

I'm so tired today!  Woke up feeling like I hadn't slept at all.  I was hoping to go to sleep early tonight, but that's not happening.  My I.T. Guy had to work late, which means he won't be on the regular train. So, he's finally on a train and due to the cold it's running about 25 mins late.  So, I'll get home from the train about 9:30.  It would be fine if I didn't have to pick up my Artist from work.  The poor girl has had the flu since Friday and is finally able to go to work, but her car wouldn't start.  That of course is due to the cold.  So, I took her to work when I got home from work. I'll pick her up at 11:30 when she gets off.  So, maybe in bed by midnight.  Morning alarm will go off about 5:30.  

The cold is just crazy!  It's 6°F, which makes the windchill at -13°F!  The windchill is supposed to get down to -35°F!   No school tomorrow.

Well, I know it's quick but I need to start my car so I can get to the train on time. 

Sunday, January 4, 2015

Day 4

Jesus replied: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment."  Matt 22:37-38 

This is the most important thing that God wants of us.  I think many people aren't aware of this.  God should be the most important thing in our lives.  The most important person.  The most important God. 

How do we show Him we love him?  One thing is by how we live.  I try to live the way God describes in the Bible.  Loving, honest, peaceful, patience, forgiving, etc.  Some days it's difficult to be these things, some days it's easy. 

This weekend has busy for me, I've been working on completing some of the things I needed to get done around the house.  Still have plenty to do, but I expect that. 

So, this is a quick and short blog day, I'm sure no one's going to complain about it. 

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Day 3

I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy.  Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.     Psalm 116: 1-2

Years ago I cried out to God for help. He listened and came to my aid.  It's because of him that I have come so far in my life.  I have learned to accept the issues I deal with, that everything that comes my way I can get through as long as I remember that God is with me. 

Today I spent putting drapes up in my house.  My wrist is sore from the work, using the screwdriver is a bear sometimes, but I got them up and done.  I have a few paint touch-ups still but the walls are 90% done.  I can't wait to decorate them.  I've been going through my photos trying to decide which ones I'll print, frame and hang on my walls.  Some are just beautiful. 

I know this isn't much today, probably because I just don't know what to write. One of those "writer's block" days of mine.

We're due for snow this week. I'm so not looking forward to this!  I totally hate driving in the snow.  

Thursday, January 1, 2015

Day 2

"but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run...  Isaiah 40:31

For the first day of the year I look at the previous year.  Been a busy one!  I've spent over half the year working on house projects and am not even close to being done.  We've lived in our house for 15 years and this is the first time we've painted the first floor.  It took me about 2 months to paint, but about 2 months prior to do wall repairs and prep to paint.  We have plenty to keep us busy and will have more to do as this year is beginning. It'll get there. 

As for me, I went from part time to full time employment.  It's a positive thing, but I know I will have some issues with it.  It'll be a learning experience.  I've been lucky enough not to have to work full time for the past 3 years, not it's a new adventure.  

That's my positive thoughts for today.  It's a struggle to stay positive but I keep plugging away.